'I don't believe it'

Jess gets really put out when Jane answers me before her at 5.30, which is her mealtime. For example, yesterday, I needed to get to the loo. And Jess stood there in the kitchen door like Victor Meldrew with an 'I don't believe it!' look on her starving face. Hard cheese, doggie. That's life.

Talking of life, Jane drew my attention to something green that came through our letter-box, which included this amazing piece of information: 'In the average home over two million dust-mites feed on dead skin scales. They hide in your carpet, upholstery, curtains, mattresses, and pillows. Mites can double their numbers in ten hours, and they can produce ten to twenty pieces of faeces per day. You will get one hundred thousand dead bodies and thirty million pieces of faeces added to your home every day. We need to upgrade our standard of health. Mite faeces are so small that they can float in the air for hours. As you walk around your house you breathe it in, and it gets into your lungs. Eighty percent of Britons who suffer from allergies are allergic to airborne mite refuse. Fact: One tenth of the weight of a two-year-old pillow is dust mite faeces! Your home is a dust mite nursery, and you could be swimming in their unhealthy mire.' Would you believe it? Scary, isn't it? The moral of the story is, Open your windows, and let the dear little creatures fly away. In fact, the green letter was advertising a carpet and upholstery firm. With writers like the person who composed that piece, they deserve to do well.